Maybe I'd Like You (If You Weren't So Fat)

Maybe you've got my apartment key
But you don't mean that much to me
You apparently think I'm out of this world
that I'm your boy and you're my girl
but there's something wrong with that

Maybe I'd like you if you weren't so fat
Maybe you'd have me if you didn't have cats
Probably not, but baby give it a shot
If you lost twelve pounds you might even be hot

You think it's attraction but it's convenient
I say that I love you, you think I mean it
While 'repugnance' may be too strong a word
My feelings for you You might infer
Don't fall too far from that

Maybe I'd like you if you weren't so fat
Maybe you'd have me if you didn't have cats
Probably not, but baby give it a shot
If you lost twelve pounds you might even be hot

The thought of our honeymoon makes me pale
I feel that I'm Jonah and you're the whale
It's hard to believe I couldn't say 'no'
But had I done I'd be alone...